


I'll take care of you (since I couldn't do it before)

by littlegrayraincloud



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Caring Arthur, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Minor Character Death, Modern Era, No Dialogue, POV Arthur, grieving Merlin, post slash?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-30 13:43:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5165954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlegrayraincloud/pseuds/littlegrayraincloud
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>As soon as Arthur heard the news from Gwen, he canceled all of his plans for the weekend, grabbed the spare set of keys he'd never returned, and called a cab.  It didn't matter that they'd barely spoken since they broke up three years ago.  He knew the pain his former friend was going through, and there was no way he was going to let him go through it alone. </i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll take care of you (since I couldn't do it before)

As soon as Arthur heard the news from Gwen, he canceled all of his plans for the weekend, grabbed the spare set of keys he'd never returned, and called a cab. It didn't matter that they'd barely spoken since they broke up three years ago. He knew the pain his former friend was going through, and there was no way he was going to let him go through it alone. 

20 minutes later, he was outside the door to the flat they once shared, not sure if he should knock or just let himself in. From inside, he heard a crash, a shattering noise, and a pained yelp. Without further hesitation, he barged into the flat, not even considering that he might technically be breaking and entering. 

It didn't take him long to find the source of the noise. The kitchen floor was littered with broken pieces of dish ware. Huddled the corner, holding a dishcloth to a bleeding hand, was Merlin. 

Without saying a word, not wanting to further startle the young man, Arthur moved across the floor, carefully avoiding the dishes as best he could, and crouched down next to Merlin. He didn't touch him, though. He just waited, wanting to let Merlin make the first move. 

After what seemed like an eternity, the young man looked up and Arthur met the deep blue eyes of the man he once called his soul mate. Arthur could see that he had not slept in days. And he knew the tear-stained cheeks had nothing to do with the pain from the cuts on his hand.

Without saying a word, Arthur held out his hand to help Merlin up.

Merlin regarded him carefully, looking as though he was expecting it to be some sort of trap.

Finally, he reached out and took Arthur's hand with his uninjured one. Arthur helped him stand, and the two of them carefully, silently, made their way to the bathroom where the first aid kit was kept.

Arthur pulled the shards from the wounds before he cleaned and and dressed them carefully. Merlin resisted any further eye contact and remained silent through the entire process. 

It took Arthur a while to realize that Merlin wasn't actually avoiding him; he was absolutely fixated on a spot on the floor. Merlin had done this once before, and Gwen would have known what to do, but Arthur was the one who was here for Merlin this time, and he was going to try to do for Merlin now what he failed to do for him back then.

He carefully stood up and pulled Merlin up from the edge of the bathtub so that he was now standing. Arthur led him out of the bathroom and into the living room, where he sat them both down on the couch. He knew it would be a while before he'd have Merlin back, so he settled in and situated Merlin so that he was lying on his side, with his head on Arthur's leg. Arthur knew Merlin needed the human contact, and just hoped he would not be too mad or think Arthur had taken advantage of the situation.

He stroked Merlin's hair absent-mindedly as he turned in the TV, looking for something to watch while he waited. Last time, it had been a few hours before Merlin came back to his senses.

He settled on some movie he couldn't remember the name of, but remembered that Merlin had once forced him to watch. _It's the best movie for a couple to watch!_ he could hear Merlin say, beaming up at Arthur from the same position he was now lying in silently. So they had watched the movie until Merlin fell asleep on Arthur's lap. But Arthur never noticed, as he was too wrapped up looking at some report from work that he was expected use to make a presentation for the next board meeting. Arthur had been too busy to notice that, through all of those "meaningless" moments, as he'd thought of them at the time, Merlin was trying to save them. He didn't notice that he was losing the man that he loved. 

It wasn't long before Arthur began to doze off. He continued to stroke Merlin's hair with one hand and rub his arm with the other. It soothed him, in a way, knowing that he was able to try to take care of the man who had always worked so hard to try to take care of him, even when he didn't always notice or care.

A few hours later, a shaking sensation under his hand roused Arthur from his light sleep. He was confused, forgetting where he was for a moment. He looked down at his hand, and upon seeing a shaking person under it, remembered immediately where he was and why he was there. He resumed rubbing Merlin's arm, making soft shushing noises to try to calm the young man, knowing full well that all the shushing and cooing and kind words in the world would not ease the pain his friend was feeling right now. But he also knew there was nothing that could do that. There was nothing to erase the pain that came from your father passing away. Even though Gaius wasn't actually Merlin's father, he had been there through all the years Balinor hadn't.

Merlin continued to sob for a little while more, tears dripping down his face and soaking Arthur's pant leg. But Arthur didn't mind. He continued to rub Merlin's arm and hair until Merlin stopped shaking. Merlin sat up on the couch, rubbed his eyes, and stood up, making his way to the bathroom. Arthur heard the sound of the sink running through the door. After a minute or two, the water turned off, and Arthur heard Merlin exit the bathroom and walk down the hall to the bedroom. He did not hear the door close.

Unsure of what to do next, Arthur waited a few moments before making his way to the bedroom to check on Merlin. Merlin was looking through his dresser, presumably for clothes to change into, since what he was wearing had gotten some blood on it. Arthur checked the time, and decided to find something for Merlin to eat.

He found some soup in the pantry, the kind you just put in a pot and heated up on the stove. _Something so simple, even you couldn't mess it up!_ he could hear Merlin teasing him, a version of Merlin from years ago. Arthur smiled to himself a little, and put the soup in a pot that was already sitting on the stove. While the soup heated up, he found the broom and dust pan, right where it had always been kept, and cleaned up the shards of dish ware that still littered the kitchen floor. By the time he was done, the soup was cooked. He put some into two bowls and carried both back to the bedroom. 

Merlin was sitting on the edge of the bed, having changed into sleep pants and an old t-shirt. Arthur sat down next to him and offered him one of the bowls. Merlin accepted it without a word, and ate about four bites before he set it on the bedside table and laid down on the bed, facing the wall. Arthur finished his bowl and took it to the kitchen, deciding to leave Merlin's in the room in case he changed his mind and wanted to eat more. 

He washed the pot and his bowl and set them on the drying rack. Unsure of what he should do next, Arthur stood in the kitchen for a few minutes, trying to decide if he should try to find something different for Merlin to eat, or if he should just leave him be until he asked for something. Finally, Arthur decided to go with his gut and went back to the bedroom, where Merlin was still curled up on the far side of the bed, still facing away from the door.

Arthur slipped off his shoes, grabbed a blanket from the end of the bed, and laid down next to Merlin, covering them both with the blanket. Before he could pull away, Merlin grabbed his arm and pulled it to his chest, indicating what he wanted without saying a word. Arthur gave in, and snuggled close to Merlin, spooning him from behind. It wasn't long before the two fell fast asleep.

***

On the day of the services for Gaius, Arthur showed up right before the priest began the eulogy. He sat towards the back, wanting to give Merlin and Hunith the space they needed to be alone together. Gwen and Lance were there, also, sitting towards the middle of the group, their new baby cooing softly in Lance's arms. Gwaine would have come, also, but he was still on assignment in Brazil and couldn't get a flight back until later in the week.

Arthur could feel the tug on his heart every time he looked over and saw Merlin's shoulders shaking, but he knew this was not the time or place to give into that feeling. A feeling that, if he was honest with himself, probably wouldn't be reciprocated. True, Merlin hadn't seemed to mind when Arthur took care of him a few nights ago, but that didn't mean that he still had feelings for Arthur. At least, not the same sort of feelings that Arthur was having for him.

Not long after the casket had been lowered into the ground, and all of the mourners had left, Arthur still stood back and watched Merlin. The dark haired man stood at the edge of the plot, staring down, silent tears trailing down his cheeks and dripping onto the freshly packed soil. Arthur couldn't stand to see him looking so alone and lost. He walked over and stood beside Merlin, never saying a word. His hands hung down at his sides. They stood this way for a while, side by side, staring at the ground, thinking about all the things Gaius had done for them through the years. 

In fact, Arthur recalled with a slight smile, he had been the reason the two boys had met in the first place. 

Suddenly, he felt Merlin's hand slide into his. He looked over, and saw Merlin looking at him, still deeply saddened, but no longer crying. The two shared a small smile, holding hands, and, without saying a word, decided it was time to go home.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the awful title. I wrote this in response to the grief I'm feeling right now, and could not come up with a decent title.


End file.
